Adding detail to our writing

We have been learning to add detail to our writing. We are trying to add our senses, 'wow' words and similes.

Enjoy Charlotte's reading of her wonderful piece of writing.


Lion And The Zebra from tracey hill on Vimeo.

We pretended we were lions just like this one lying in wait for his dinner.

We each decided how we wanted our writing to end. We chose from these two pictures.

The lion was hiding in the long brown grass. It was waiting for his feast. The lion was camouflaged with the grass. He was very very still!The lion heard motor noises. The zebra is on the motorbike. The lion is chasing the zebra. The lion got the zebra. The lion got to eat the zebra and  the guts! The lion got to have the motorbike. He zoomed into the grasslands!

Author Diaz

The lion is hiding in the big, long grasslands. He is waiting...waiting...waiting! The lion is looking with his big, mean, spooky, beady eyes. He can hear the tip tap of the zebras feet. The lions mane is yellow like the grass so it is camouflaged so the zebra can't see him. The lion is tearing the guts. He is ripping the intestines out like a dinosaur. He's eating the heart and blood is squirting onto his claws. He heard the blood squirting splosh splosh. He saw ribs. There were just bones left. the lion was full after having a snack.

Author Camden

Camden's challenge was to add onomatopoeia to his writing. Can you see where he achieved this?